This group activity goal is to demonstrate various communication styles, boundaries and recognizing one’s own and others feelings.

This activity can be a fun demonstration of the various methods we use to communicate and manipulate.  The ground rules for this one are no physical aggression or violence.  Other normal group restrictions are briefly lifted such as close proximity one can be to another.  

What you will need
A blank piece of paper

Instructions
Ask for two volunteers.  Ask volunteer A to identify some object they would really, really like to have.  Once the paper is identified as that object hand it to volunteer B and instruct volunteer A to get the object they really like.

For example, Bob would like to have an IPOD.  The blank piece of paper is now an IPOD and Steve has it.  Instruct Bob to get the IPOD from Steve without physical aggression. 

Usually group members will snatch it from their peer, attempt to manipulate compromise or just ask nicely.  You will probably have to demonstrate passive communication.  I call this my “Rain Man” impression.  I will ask for a volunteer to hold the piece of paper.  I will approach with hesitation, poor eye contact, soft voice and rocking back and forth when I ask what they have.  The following is an illustration of how that conversation may go.

Me:  Hi
Volunteer:  Hi
Me:  Whatcha got there?
Volunteer:  An IPOD
Me:  Oh…..that’s a nice looking IPOD (stated slowly)
Volunteer:  Yes it is
Me:  Where did ya get it?
Volunteer:  Target
Me:  Oh, I bet it is nice to have an IPOD
Volunteer:  Yes it is
Me:  Wow, wish I could try an IPOD to see what it is like (stated slowly with pauses)
Volunteer:  ummm
Me:  It’s nice and shiny
Volunteer:  Yes it is
Me:  So what are you listening to on your IPOD (stated slowly with pauses)
Volunteer: Music
Me:  oh, that must be nice to listen to music when you want (stated slowly with pauses)
 
This example could continue on depending on how long you can keep a straight face while everyone else is laughing.

After each group member has had an opportunity to be both the giver and receiver ask him or her to identify the various methods they used to obtain the paper.  Write them on the board in three columns later to be identified as Passive, Assertive and Aggressive.

For each discuss the eye contact, voice tone, thinking errors, boundary violation, body posture, and pronoun used (You, I, We).

The list will look like this:

At this point you can label the columns and discuss that these are different communication styles and start a discussion regarding feelings and reason for utilizing Assertiveness communication style most often.  Ask how they felt when you were doing your “Rain Man” impersonation, when you were communicating in a Passive manner.  Ask how it felt when they snatched it and when it was snatched from them?  Ask how they felt when someone was assertive?  Discuss what happens when they don’t communicate in an assertive manner.  Yes being aggressive may get you what you want but at what expense? 

Being assertive is not a guarantee that you will get what you want.  You will however feel better.  When people utilize an aggressive communication style, they are causing themselves physical harm.  Ask the group members to remember what if feels like to be angry and how much time it takes their body to calm down.  When one utilizes a passive communication style you usually don’t get what you want, you build resentment, and you may become angry and mean.  When you utilize an assertive communication style later you aren’t standing in the shower or mirror having the conversation with what you should have said.

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